22 years

Since my lunch with Sharon the other day, I have been thinking a lot about myself, and how I have changed over the past 22 years. I no longer have to perm my hair to get this curl... it just decided on it's own to become curly. I am not "high school skinny" anymore. Having kids will do that to you... and too many sweets and fast food dinners didn't help too much, either! My worries have certainly changed since high school. Back then I was worried over who I would date/marry... now I worry over the children that I have been blessed with and their happiness and well-being in this world. I always wanted kids. In high school I thought I wanted at least 6... now I am very happy with my 4. I remember thinking back then how old 40 sounded... now it feels so young! The older I get, the less older each age sounds. I really don't feel that I should be any older than 18, and it floors me to think that my oldest daughter will soon be 18.

I will admit to being a pretty vain person in high school - I think most teen-age girls are. I wouldn't step out of the house without my hair and make-up just so. I got over that being a mother. I still want to be presentable, and look my best, but I have discovered that there are more important things.

I used to get teased a lot by my family when I was younger for being a wimp. After seeing me give birth naturally to my oldest child, my mother told me that I could never be called a wimp again. I'm a stonger person, emotionally, as well. I still break down and cry over silly things sometimes, but I know that I am capable of dealing with hard things.

I have a much stronger testimony of the gospel now. I know that my Heavenly Father is always there for me... something that I wasn't alway sure about when I was younger. I have felt His presence and guidance more in my life. I have a deeper appreciation for Him.

I also appreciate my earthly parents now more than I did then. I didn't have the best relationship with my dad growing up. He and I just didn't relate to each other very well. Not too long after we moved back to Tennessee, my dad's job required him to travel a lot. He would be gone all week, then come home on the weekends. All he wanted to do when he was home was spend time with us. I had been home all week, and all I wanted to do on the weekend was get out of the house. I now regret that I didn't spend more time with him. I used to think my mother had very old-fashioned ideas and was out of touch with things. I didn't want her to try to give me advice... now I am so thankful for her words of wisdom. I have learned more about both of my parents and come to appreciate their ideals and opinions more. I am so thankful that they are both still here on earth and they are never more than a phone call away.

I have also been thinking a lot about the future, and what the next 22 years may hold. I am looking forward to seeing each of my children graduate high school and move on to college. I am looking forward to my sons serving missions for the church. I am looking forward to seeing each of my children married to wonderful spouses. I am looking forward to becoming a grandma... NOT that it should happen for a while... but I will be ready for it when it happens. I am looking forward to Barry and I growing together. We have come a long way in the past 18 1/2 years, and I know that we still have a lot of growing to do. I know that both good times and bad are on the way, and while I don't look forward to the bad, I know that I can handle them.

I sat down a while back and started making out my own "bucket-list". I am looking forward to crossing some things off that list in the next 22 years, and maybe adding a few more things to it.

I recently remarked on my facebook profile that I am content... and I am. I am thankful for my life, and all the craziness that comes with it. I am grateful for all the experiences that have made me who I am, and all the future experiences that will help to shape who I will become.

So... here is to the next 22+ years! I'm looking forward to it all!