I watched two wonderful sessions of General Conference today. I was uplifted, inspired, touched and taught by the Spirit. I appreciate the ability to watch our Church leaders speak to us, right from the comfort of my own home.
As the last session ended, and the choir sang, "God Be With You til We Meet Again", I just lost it. I was reminded of the last General Conference, 6 months ago. I watched all 4 sessions at my sister's house, with my mom. The hymn hit home to me, and I felt a longing for my mom. None of us realized at the time that she would be taken from us before the end of the month. We knew she was declining, but we didn't think it would happen so quickly.
I am grateful for the gospel in my life. I'm grateful for the knowledge that I have that one day I will be reunited with my mom and all my family members who have passed on. I'm grateful for the blessings of temple ordinances that bind our family together. I am thankful for the healing power of the Spirit that brought our family together again before my mom's passing.
While I am grateful for this knowledge, I have a bit of a heavy heart... just because I miss her so much. I wish she was here to talk to, and give me advice. Or go shopping with. Or just here to appreciate the turning leaves with me.
Someone close to me once said that with the gospel in our lives, they didn't understand grief, and how we could be so sad when someone passes. Especially knowing what we know about our Heavenly Father's plan, and where we go when we die. While I can agree with part of that, I understand the sadness more now, too. It's not a sadness that I will never see her again... it's just missing her so much and feeling so sorry for myself for the "now" of my life without her. It's also weird going through a lot of firsts without her... my first child leaving home; my first son preparing to go on a mission. There are also other firsts - the first Mother's Day without here; the first summer without her; the first conference without her; the first holiday season without her. Those are hard to take, too.
I know that grieving is a natural process. I know it takes time. But I am thankful for the gospel. I can't imagine going through this without it.
